I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
