So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
pray to the hookup gods
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
