chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
