and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
