She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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