This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
