good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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