i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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