I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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