I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
