What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
