i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
