Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
