first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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