Nicole vs. Life
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
