We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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