OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Mom said you looked used
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sobbing to NWA
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
