dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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