This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
