Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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