I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
