apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
