I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
