Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
