plz talk dirty to me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
