I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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