I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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