so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
