she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
