I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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