As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
