I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Vodka?
Forever.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
