I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
