Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
