last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
