Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
