yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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