i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
