mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
my being single is dangerous.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
