So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
