I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
