Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
