I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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