There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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