is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
