You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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