I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize