Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
