Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
