I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
