This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
false alarm. still invincible.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize