Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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