summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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