he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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