we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
