I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
