He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
