It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
