even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
