You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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