Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
