too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
