So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
