My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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