she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
