Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
