I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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