The maid of honor just puked.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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