Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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