a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
