Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
