I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
