omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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